Last updated on January 31, 2020
I was in an airport when I saw a poster for gynecological plastic surgery, which is when the female genitalia are surgically altered for cosmetic reasons. This really pissed me off. Cultural norms already have us shaving our bush and legs, and wearing high heels that ruin our feet. We’ve got wires digging into our ribs to hold up our tits and our asses stuffed into sausage-casing with the hopes that someone will want to have sex with us. We, as women, already have enough insecurities about our bodies, worrying that we aren’t going to be attractive to a partner because we don’t have a big enough butt, or our boobs are too small, our teeth are crooked, or we’ve got a gut. I thought, do women really think that surgically mutilating their genitals will make them a better mate?
Female Genitalia: Before and After
I looked on the plastic surgeon’s website and found before-and-after pics of female genitalia. Some of the women were concerned that the labia minora, or the smaller lips extended outside of the labia major, or large lips, and they had these corrected. The appearance of a partner’s labia to the quality of sex or arousal is insignificant for most people, yet here were all these women willing to surgically alter their genitals because they thought it was important. Even if we don’t like the looks of our genitals, they may look quite attractive to our partners. From talking with so many men and women about these issues, I have realized that these insecurities are usually unfounded.
Vulvas are like faces in that each is unique. My boyfriend said that he would definitely be able to identify mine in a police lineup. He also said that seeing a woman naked for the first time is exciting, especially because we are all so different. You don’t know from looking at a clothed woman how her breasts and nipples will look, or her labia. It’s like a box of chocolates with a pleasant surprise in each.
As I perused the before pics of the women’s genitals, none looked particularly attractive to me, but I am a heterosexual woman, not really into the yoni. A better feminist than I would have said that each was gorgeous and meant it, but I guess I’m more into the aesthetic of the penis. I saw that each one looked perfectly normal and each unique. There were bald vulvas, and super hairy vulvas. One reminded me of The Hamburgler and another looked like an Arby’s roast beef sandwich. They each looked perfectly fine the way they were, and I certainly couldn’t see why these women felt so bad that they would want to go through surgery.
Female Genitalia and Sexual Arousal
I decided that I couldn’t be objective on this subject, so I consulted several men and women who like pussy. I asked some heterosexual male friends of mine, my boyfriend, and two lesbians. Though far from meeting the standards of scientific research, the response I got was fascinating. First of all, no one thought the after-pic looked any more attractive than the before-pic. Secondly, all of the males said that the pics of female genitalia were quite arousing, just as they were. The sandwich-like vulva in the photos had lots of ridges and folds on the labia majora, with the labia minora curling far outside of the labia majora. My one friend looked at it and said, “oh, this is lovely!” He was especially aroused by this less-common female genitalia.
I was really surprised that these unembellished medical pictures could be arousing. No thongs, no lace, no powdery lighting, no photo shop covering up blemishes. I do try to see things from others perspective, so I tried to imagine getting turned on by a pic of an unaroused penis in florescent lighting with a paper hospital gown covering them, but it didn’t have the same effect. Neither lesbian thought the pics were at all arousing, but they thought they looked perfectly fine. Of course, I do know other women who get very aroused by the look, feel and smell of female genitalia.
What Your Partner Really Wants
Often times what we think a partner wants is very different from what they actually want. I mean, strong, healthy-looking bodies are more attractive in general. But most people would date men with penises ranging from small to large. And lots of people will date women of many sizes and shapes, with butts and boobs of varying sizes. We all have preferences, but can find someone attractive who is well outside of them. Usually what is more important is whether or not we connect with someone. To put it in perspective, the aesthetic of the female genitalia is the last thing that most people care about when considering a potential mate.
I have been very attracted to guys who were thin and overweight, tall and short, circumcised and not. And I know that you can have great sex with a guy who has a small dick, and bad sex with a big one. Yes, size matters, but you don’t need an anaconda. The problem is that we remember that one person who made us feel insecure, and then generalize this to everyone. I remember this guy I dated who would drool over women with big asses. I have a small, Euro ass and big boobs. Ever since then I felt insecure about it. My friend though, has a huge, sexy ass, but she feels bad because her boobs are small.
One guy told me he felt insecure because he is really short, and many women on Tinder said they wouldn’t go out with a short guy. Another guy was considering surgical implants to make his penis longer. Our insecurities are very powerful motivators, driving us to do all sorts of crazy things like surgery. The truth is that there are loads of women who aren’t that superficial, looking more at what kind of connection they have with a person. Lots of women care more about how kind a person is, and how she will be treated. A male friend of mine openly says, “I may have a small dick, but I’m really good at eating pussy.” Hey, that’s good enough for me, and I would say good enough for most women.
Unfortunately, we spend a lot of time wondering if we are good enough. And that can be ok, especially if our insecurities make us kinder, more humble people. When we gain this humility we can be more gentle with our partner, and with their insecurities. We don’t need to be the hottest, or most important person in the room, we just have to have a real connection with another human being. Though our culture says that image is more important than substance, most of us just want someone who will love us.
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